Thank God I never got addicted to chocolate

I have what some would call an addictive personality. That means I tend to obsess on things, people, substances, and activities until they own my ass.

Escape is difficult, although not impossible, I’ve discovered.

Here is a list the things I have tried, but have not become addicted to:

• Gambling
• Shopping
• Chocolate

In my lifetime, I’ve been addicted to a handful of people. Andy, for instance. We were “together” (if you want to call it that) for six years. During that short time, we broke up 27 times, and that included a full-blown divorce somewhere in the middle. Andy finally moved to China so we could successfully separate. He stayed there for two years. When he returned – you guessed it – we were right back together again. Wow… what a seriously obsessive, compulsive, addictive, unhealthy relationship that was.

I’ve also been addicted to activities. I won’t divulge the more personal ones because, like my friend Brian says, I should be careful what I share on the internet. It would probably be in poor taste, anyway. And heaven knows how concerned I should be about what others think of me.

But some of my G-rated excessive activities have included hiking in the mountains, playing backgammon and video games, listening to music, reading the newspaper, and playing the piano. None of them necessarily dangerous or unhealthy – well, except perhaps that newspaper thing. But indulging in those activities obsessively and to excess was very problematic.

It's just not a good sign when I don't show up for work, when I spend my last dime, when I stay up all night, or when I forego well-balanced relationships in order to indulge.

Then, of course, there was that drinking thing.

From age 20 to age 37, not a day went by that I didn’t consume measurable quantities of alcohol. On many (most?) of those days, I also ingested/inhaled other mind-altering substances. Obsessive, compulsive, sick, bad-ass addictions. Insanity at its best.

The Worst

The worst addiction was the cigarettes. I smoked heavily from age 17 to age 35. I averaged about 3 packs a day. I smoked more than anyone I knew. Quitting was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, hands down.

Well… except for when I had to say good-bye to Andy.

And What About Now?

I have overcome about 99% of my addictions. I’m gettin' a handle on that “B” word… BALANCE. I’m paying attention to my behavior, and I’m changing. I still tend to obsess now and then, but I’m far from the insane lunatic I used to be.

Thank God I never got addicted to chocolate.

Karen