The last days of drinking and early days of sobriety were so painful. I was excruciatingly lonely, isolated, and fearful. I was completely incapable of interacting with other human beings on any level whatsoever.
There are times when I still feel out of place—even in Alcoholics Anonymous, which seems odd. I don’t know… it’s just that it's been a long journey for me to go from hating and fearing every single human on the planet to being able to interact comfortably with most of them. I have to admit, I've made incredible progress.
Just the other day, I caught myself telling a friend something I've been saying for years: “I don't like people that much.” My friend looked at me with a puzzled expression. Later on, I thought about what I had said, and realized it was no longer true. I have changed. I do like people today. Not all of them, but many of them.
I'm not sure when that happened.
One thing I know, though… when significant change occurs in my character and my behavior, it usually happens slowly, subtly, over time. No trumpets or fanfare. No burning bushes. No sudden spiritual awakenings.
I just wake up one day and realize that somewhere along the line I changed for the better.
That’s how I know for sure that God did it—because I know for sure that I didn’t.
Karen
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