Am I powerless over alcohol?

I published the following article in the AA Beginners Club awhile back. This morning, someone asked me to post it on my blog for quick reference. So, here it is: some important points to consider if you're wondering whether or not you're an alcoholic.

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Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

According to experts in the field of alcoholism, and according to Alcoholics Anonymous, the illness of alcoholism is specifically defined. Someone either is or is not an alcoholic. Some people have terrible drinking problems and yet they are not real alcoholics, and are therefore not powerless over alcohol.

The questions become:

1. What does it mean to be powerless over alcohol?
2. Am I really powerless over alcohol?
3. Am I a real alcoholic?

FIRST: Never diagnose alcoholism based on behavior.

An alcoholic is an alcoholic whether he or she drinks alcohol or not. It is possible (although most certainly improbable) that an alcoholic may have never consumed alcohol.

The sweetest, kindest, most generous person in the world may be alcoholic. You can't diagnose someone by looking at them. Behavior, morals, ethics, religious beliefs, accomplishments, education, talent... none of this matters. Either someone has the illness of alcoholism or they do not.

I agree with the studies that show alcoholism is genetic. We are born with it. It manifests itself in many, many ways, at varied times in a person's life, and results in a wide range of disfunctional behaviors. The behaviors, however, do not define the illness.

I know a gentleman who only consumed alcohol once in his life. He explained to me, based on his knowledge of alcoholism, that he is a real alcoholic. His religion forbade alcohol consumption, so he never drank again. But he had no doubt in his mind what would happen if he did.

How did he know he was alcoholic? Keep reading.

SECOND: We diagnose alcoholism based on the effects produced by alcohol consumption.

It's the same way we diagnose allergies to anything else. Like peanuts, for example, an excellent comparison. Someone can be born with an allergy to peanuts and may never even know it—until the day they ingest peanuts. Then, based on the effect peanuts produced in their bodies, they discover they have unleashed an allergy.

Same with alcoholism. When an alcoholic ingests alcohol, a specific allergic reaction occurs. Our bodies react abnormally to alcohol. We metabolize alcohol differently than other people do. This is not conjecture, but has been proven scientifically.

What are the symptoms? Like with allergies to certain foods, do we break out in hives, or do our faces and throats swell up? No, although some will attest to breaking out in handcuffs.

What happens is that our bodies demand more and more and more. A “phenomenon of craving” kicks in and overwhelms us.

And there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it. Once we start drinking, we can't stop. We drink until our bodies have had enough.

How much is enough? That is determined by our own individual bodies.

Normal drinkers don't experience this. (Just ask one.) They don't even understand it, and some think it's a fallacy. Normal drinkers can drink to excess, they can get good and drunk, they can black out, they can pass out, etc. But they can also choose not to. Alcoholics have lost that power of choice.

Some alcoholics (not all) experience really horrendous consequences as a result of this uncontrollable drinking. Really, really bad stuff happens.

IMPORTANT POINT:

Don't confuse behavior or consequences as being part of the definition of alcoholism. The consequences alcoholics suffer, and the behavior alcoholics exhibit, are relative and contextual.

THIRD: Alcoholics cannot NOT drink.

The question isn't, "How do I stop drinking?" but rather, "How do I keep from starting again?"

It's the first drink that sets the entire cycle into motion. You learn all about the insanity of the first drink when you read the chapter titled More About Alcoholism in the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” The entire chapter is devoted to clarifying this vital message.

We've all heard well-meaning friends and loved ones suggest, "Why don't you just quit, dear?"

Ahhh... if only.

Real alcoholics often want to quit. We know we should quit. We know we need to quit. When we say we're going to quit, we often really mean it. Read Bill Wilson's own personal story (Chapter 1, Bill's Story, “Alcoholics Anonymous”). Notice how many times he quit drinking. Notice how badly he wanted to quit.

We hate the horrible consequences as much as others hate seeing us go through them—perhaps more. At least others can (and often should) distance themselves from us. We cannot, however, distance ourselves from ourselves.

We suffer from what is referred to as "the obsession of the mind."

Normal drinkers don't experience this, either. (Again, just ask one.) And they definitely don't understand this. It makes no sense to them whatsoever, and, in fact, it usually really pisses them off. This is what they hate about alcoholics—they don't understand why we won't just F***ING QUIT DRINKING.

What they don't get is what’s called “alcoholic insanity,” also referred to as an “alcoholic mind.” There's this little voice in our heads, pounding away at us, convincing us of all manner of lies:

• “This time, it will be different.”
• “You don't have a problem. You're just over-reacting.”
• “Everyone drinks that way.”
• “You're making way too big of a deal about this. You always blow everything out of proportion!”
• “F*** THEM if they don't like the way you choose to spend your own time!”
• “HEY! It's your body! They can't tell you what to do with it. If you want to drink, that's your business, not theirs.”
• “No one will ever find out. It’ll be our secret.”
• “You deserve to drink. If they had to go through what you're going through, they'd drink, too.”
• “Look around… you’re out of town, right? Staying in a hotel, right? Don’t know a soul in this city, right? Who’s gonna find out?”
• “This time, you'll for sure be able to control it and enjoy it.”
• “This time, you won't ____________.” (get fired, get a DUI, go to jail, get in a fight with the spouse, hit the kids, fall over a banister, make an ass out of yourself at the bar.... etc., etc.)

And that little voice just doesn't let up. It keeps going and going and going, until we succumb.

The real alcoholic always succumbs. It may take a while, but eventually, we always pick up that first drink.

And then the cycle starts all over again (see point #2).

• The obsession of the mind forces us to pick up the first drink.
• The allergy of the body forces us to continue drinking until our bodies have had enough - despite consequences.

The result is a never-ending cycle of insanity.

FOURTH: As a result of this never-ending cycle of insanity, our lives have (by definition) become unmanageable.

We don't have to lose our jobs, our families, our homes, our cars, our money, our teeth, our friends, our self-respect, our physical health, our purpose for living as a result of suffering from the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body. Many of us do lose all those things and more. (I did.) But we don't have to.

Losing everything doesn't qualify us as alcoholics.

By definition, our lives are unmanageable because we suffer from the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body—PERIOD. Whether we lose anything else or not is irrelevant.

“Alcoholic insanity” means we cannot NOT drink. And how unmanageable is that?!

Conclusion

In Step 1, decide whether or not you suffer from the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body. Take a look at your drinking history and answer those two questions honestly for yourself. If you're not sure, try some controlled drinking. Try starting and stopping abruptly. Or try quitting for a few months.

Going through your answers with a qualified A.A. sponsor is extremely helpful, but obviously not mandatory.

If your answer is yes, then your life is unmanageable by definition. It can't be anything else. You suffer from alcoholism.

If your answer is no, then you win a "Get Out of AA Free" card! Yippee!! You do not have alcoholism. You are not an alcoholic.

That's as complicated as Step 1 needs to be. Many of us already took Step 1 before we crawled through the doors of AA. For real alcoholics, Step 1 is usually incredibly obvious.

Hope this helps.

Karen H.
Founder, AABC
DOS: 05/17/1993

Credit and gratitude goes to Cavi C. and Amy G. -- my mentors and my friends -- who helped me finally understand Step 1.